it doesn't feel good when other people hurt.

I really really wish I could fix everything. My dad feels like my mums friends are taking her away from him, and all I can do is sit on the sidelines. he doesn't have any friends to help him through it either. it's terrifying to watch. I just wish I could fix everything. that is all.

I'm sorry doesn't cut it,but

Here goes. I now realize it was a shitty thing to do to post that blog. I could give excuses and say that I didn't mean it or I was in a bad mood, but that wouldn't change anything. but regardless of not being able to take back words, I am sorry. really sorry. I did it again. and it's really a huge bummer, because we were starting to be friends again, heather, and that was really cool. but I blew it, and I suppose that's that. 

So I guess this really is just a nothing blog, because it won't accomplish anything, but I just had to get it out there for you. I really am sorry, and I would love a third, or fourth(or whatever chance I'm on right now), but were I in your place, heather? I wouldn't give it to me, so I won't blame you if you decide not to. 

I wouldn't be surprised if this made things worse for some unforeseen reason, and I probably should have said this in person, but I dunno. I guess I'm just not brave enough. more than likely you won't read this anyway, and I won't have the balls to say anything in real life. I reaally piss myself off sometimes.

1/7

This is the beginning of a weeklong series of blogs that cass has thought up the topics for. todays topic: 

THE OUTSIDERS

I am squeamish. alright, that's an understatement. so far, my long run prediction is that it flops. and heather I know you read this, so I'm sorry. I don't think its any fault of yours. though I don't technically think you're qualified to assistant direct (and just to clarify, I am not insinuating anyone, especially me, is at this point) but I think you'll/'de be able to make up for it in passion about the story. however, all I see is willard being an insufferable douche, no one having the time, or the drive necessary, no ensemble and like 7 weeks till opening. that, m'dears, is a recipe for trouble.

so, my feelings on the outsiders? A great, well written play with no time and a cast who's heart doesn't seem to be in it. I hope it'll change, I really do, but I dunno.

Heather, I hope you can pull a miracle out of you're hat. please prove my prediction incorrect?

Songs I want played at my feuneral

Blue orchid-the white stripes

right after the speaker is done, I want something that will absolutely horrify the people who don't know me but that the people who do know me will laugh their asses of at to happen. Then the song'll come on as soon s that happens. and somehow I'll tell them from beyond and tell them to get mad drunk that night, cause life's to short to waste mourning over a pompous ass like me.

Please stop for the dead.

So, Apparently that stupid foreword is going around again. no surprises here. which one, you ask? The Sept. 11th one. 

"What?" you say,"why don't you agree with it? what about that dead presidents bit? makes sense."

well, I just think that were I one of those people that died that day, I would not want all educational progress halted simple because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Quite the opposite, actually. I, personally, think that on september eleventh almost more than any other day we should have school. We should go and be grateful for our chance to do what those unfortunate people in the towers will never be able to do again. to live, to learn, to just be. Yes, we should remember them, but while we learn, while we work, while we live. I feel that that is what almost every single one of them would want that more than a day when we sat and thought nothing of them because we had a free day to fuck around with our friends.

As for the day off for the dead presies bit, I feel the same way about those, so if you really want to sound like you care about people that died, send around a text that says "on presidents day this year, show up at school and beat on the doors until they let you in. drag the teachers to their class rooms, and make them teach you, because it's what George, Abe, and every other good dead soul that's passed on would want."

So don't pretend you're a good person because you don't want school on Sept. 11th. you only want it so you have an excuse to fuck off, and you know it. so shut the hell up.

*disclaimer: I like presies day and every other day like it because I like to fuck off and have no school, but thats cause I'm a cynical, hypocritical bastard that's going to Hell.