I'm ready, I am.

Cass asked me a question today that kinda got me thinkin'. On our way to her house to drop her off, she mentioned that she felt like she was growing up. then she asked me if I was growing up. 

It's kind of an odd question ,"ben, are you growing up?" but at the same time, it's really quite a deep question, and a hard one at that. I'm pretty sure my answer is yes, though.

Thing is, it kinda snuck up on me. after I read Kimberly's blog on sea turtles, I immediately thought, "that sounds absolutely terrifying, I'm glad I don't feel that way.", but then, as I thought more about it, I realized that really, I did. Life is huge, and me? I'm just a spec. A particle pushed at by forces I have no idea what are. and that scared me. I realised that I've been thinking like Zaphod after the encounter with the absolute perspective vortex. That I am the most important person in my universe(not the universe, mind, but mine.). but now I've sampled the real vortex, and it's really a frightening feeling.

However, on even further reflection today,I think that I'm well on my way for being ready. Just one step at a time, and I think I'll be able to make it. I'm stabilizing, y'know? I'm ready for my next great adventure. and I think that this time, I'll be well packed, well prepared and ready.

I always wonder if I'm going to be a good husband, a good father, and obviously, I won't know 'till then, but I'm starting to think that I just might be. I think I just might be able to be at least as great as my dad has been, to both his wife, and his family, concieted as that sounds. He's given me alot. obviously some of the things he gave me I won't keep, but most of it is good stuff. so yeah. 

Thanks Dad, though you'll probably never read this.(I have no intention of telling you about it till I've moved out. I cuss to much.), but yeah. I really don't know if I'd be half the person I am if it weren't for you.

And thanks to cassidi, for bringing this up,

and biggest thanks to my Kimberly Anne, who's been by me pretty much this whole time, for doing just that. sticking by me, making me think,teaching me patience, and teaching me how to put others before myself.