Grand Reopening

It smells like teen angst in here. broken hearts and vaugeries.

I need to put words to page again. i need to write, i need to create, to fathom, to sound the depths for something to pull me forward. a muse would be nice, but i guess blogger does not supply those. It's been long enough for old scars to heal for the most part, though i still worry them, cause who doesn't pick at their scars and wiggle their loose teeth.

What's behind?:

• High School, and all that that entailed. drama, frustration, and a few good friends. also a few shitty friends.
• Show Low, or it will be soon enough. I'm tired of this bullshit town and ready to move on to the next. get some new dirt on my boots.
• Childhood, at last in the legal sense. how weird is that?

I wasted my sophomore and junior year. I wasted my senior year, for different, but also very similar, reasons. I burned bridges. I got fucked over. I fucked over myself, and i didn't fuck anyone. Three or four people stuck by me through it all, and even to them i wasn't a great friend. I cut my hair. I grew some semblance of facial hair. i put on some weight. I grew up a lot.

What's ahead?:

• College. I am going to learn. I am going to build a life. And it is terrifying.
• Phoenix. A sprawling metropolis. my gotham. my labyrinth.
• Adulthood. I refuse to grow up entirely, but i must grow older.
• LIFE. My whole life is ahead of me. my life's work. my life's passions. my life's love. I hope i am ready.

I can't waste any more time. I have to achieve. I have to love. I have to live. I have to peruse. I have people to make proud and people to shame. I have people to meet and people to leave. I am Benjamin Maerker. I am alive. I am growing up.