Grand Reopening

It smells like teen angst in here. broken hearts and vaugeries.

I need to put words to page again. i need to write, i need to create, to fathom, to sound the depths for something to pull me forward. a muse would be nice, but i guess blogger does not supply those. It's been long enough for old scars to heal for the most part, though i still worry them, cause who doesn't pick at their scars and wiggle their loose teeth.

What's behind?:

• High School, and all that that entailed. drama, frustration, and a few good friends. also a few shitty friends.
• Show Low, or it will be soon enough. I'm tired of this bullshit town and ready to move on to the next. get some new dirt on my boots.
• Childhood, at last in the legal sense. how weird is that?

I wasted my sophomore and junior year. I wasted my senior year, for different, but also very similar, reasons. I burned bridges. I got fucked over. I fucked over myself, and i didn't fuck anyone. Three or four people stuck by me through it all, and even to them i wasn't a great friend. I cut my hair. I grew some semblance of facial hair. i put on some weight. I grew up a lot.

What's ahead?:

• College. I am going to learn. I am going to build a life. And it is terrifying.
• Phoenix. A sprawling metropolis. my gotham. my labyrinth.
• Adulthood. I refuse to grow up entirely, but i must grow older.
• LIFE. My whole life is ahead of me. my life's work. my life's passions. my life's love. I hope i am ready.

I can't waste any more time. I have to achieve. I have to love. I have to live. I have to peruse. I have people to make proud and people to shame. I have people to meet and people to leave. I am Benjamin Maerker. I am alive. I am growing up.

you kids

are all crazy motherfuckers :P get over yourselves, write some poetry, chill out, and be groovy. life's nicer. peace.

hey

i don't think any of you know my blog moved, but if you do, congrats. I guess you could say i'm in hiding. from myself? I don't know. but anyway. just letting you know that i'm still here, and you can comment if you want and i'll comment back, but my lappy is fucked so i have to use my desktop, witch sucks and is in the living room, as i can't seem to get my ipod to let me use it to blog. go figure.

I bought a backpack today, and some cds. I'm so bored.

anywho, i love you kids. bye.

We're close to the edge, hope not to fall off

Growing pains, growing pains.

Lift up your hearts, all will come right, out of the depths of sorrow and of sacrifice. We'll be born again, the glory of mankind.
-Winston Churchill

I want to do my acadec speech with this quote in it somewhere. but i want to to do it on the innate abhorrence of socialism the older generation has, and most of the nations ability to so vehemently defend their constitutional rights, while in doing so depriving others of theirs. I'd like to bring in universal health care, religion, and two or three more poignant issues of today and tomorrow. thoughts?

This is for the best

at least, it better be, because i've commited.

I'm sorry. I really am. I hope you pull through. I hope you're alright. I do still love you, but it needed to end, and this is the only way i could see that it would end.

I'm sorry. all my best wishes. please don't forget me, but don't remember me as that dick of a boyfriend who stopped talking to you. I think being forgotton would be preferable to that.

thank you for my jacket back.

Mars Landing

I look in the pictures for a story that ends favorably.

no luck